Minimizing the Impact of Divorce on Children

Divorce is tough on children -- and your children will likely be experiencing a barrage of emotions as they process their new reality. By reassuring your child with loving words, seeking to co-parent with your ex-spouse and provide stability and routine for your children, you can help them heal and minimize the negative impact of divorce on your children.

Avoid a Battle

• Though it may be difficult, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) states on HealthyChildren.org that parents should try to make their divorce as amicable as possible in order to ease the children's adjustment. When divorce proceedings become long and drawn-out, the ongoing conflict interferes with your children's ability to heal. Try to maintain open communication with your ex-spouse, seeking to make legal compromises -- especially when it comes to custody -- that are in the best interest of your children.

Talk About It

• KidsHealth.org encourages parents to talk openly with their children about their divorce. Acknowledge their grief, anger, sadness or whatever other emotions they may be experiencing without trying to change their feelings. Reassure your children that the divorce was not their fault and is not an indicator of how you feel about them. If their anger and sadness results in social withdrawal or aggressive behavior, do not hesitate to contact a mental health professional.

  Respect the Other Parent

  • Show respect and consideration for your children's relationship with your ex-spouse. Be cordial to one another in front of your kids and be sure to include your ex in on events that your children would want him to attend -- such as graduations and sporting events. Don't speak ill of your ex to your children or in front of your children, lest they think you are trying to get them to take sides. Communicate directly with your ex rather than sending messages through your children.

  Provide Stability

  • Though divorce may bring with it major life changes for your children -- such as a move or a parent going back to work -- try to provide as much routine and predictability for your children as possible. Keep a consistent schedule for your kids whether they are spending time at your home or the home of your ex -- giving them a sense of calm amidst the chaos. Your children may feel unsettled going from one parent to the other, but knowing that they can expect dinner followed by homework followed by bedtime, for example, gives them feelings of stability.

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